Rekindling the Spirit of Intimacy: Wisdom from My Ancestors

A few generations back, my ancestors lived in small, rural villages in Western Africa. They were part of tightly woven communities where the rhythms of life were guided by spirit, nature, elders, and collective care. Reading The Spirit of Intimacy by Sobonfu Somé felt like coming home to wisdom buried deep within me—wisdom many of us carry in our bones, waiting to be remembered.

In our modern, fast-paced world, we’ve learned to rely on our thinking brains, trying to solve every issue with logic, independence and science. But as Sobonfu Somé beautifully teaches from her Dagara People, in what is now known as Burkina Faso, spirit can take care of many of our struggles—if we allow it. Slowing down, quieting our mind, and tuning into our bodies, ancestral wisdom, and community can open a channel for spirit to guide us. This is how my ancestors lived, and perhaps yours, too.

Your Relationship Has Its Own Spirit

One of the most profound teachings from the book is that every relationship has its own spirit. This means that your partnership is not just about two people navigating life together—it’s a living, breathing entity with its own purpose.

Tending to this spirit through ritual and intention keeps your relationship alive and meaningful. It nourishes not only your connection but also supports the unique purposes you and your partner bring to this world. When we see our relationships this way, they become sacred spaces where healing, growth, and fulfillment thrive.

Ask yourself: What is the purpose of my union? How does it support me in becoming who I am meant to be? How does it contribute to the world?

The Forgotten Role of Community

In the West, many of us live in isolated, nuclear bubbles. Colonialism and industrialization disrupted the communal ways of life that kept our ancestors connected and supported. As Sobonfu Somé reminds us, our relationships cannot thrive in isolation.

In her words, “When we keep things private, they grow fatter every day and then they start to strangle us.” Our partnerships need community to serve as a container—a safe space where we can find support, perspective, and relief.

Even 15 minutes of connecting with friends, chosen family, or community each day can make a profound difference. Whether it’s a hug, a conversation, or the wisdom of an elder, these moments help us remember we are not alone and offer us the strength to show up for ourselves and our relationships.

Two Worlds Colliding

Marriage or partnership is more than a commitment between two people; it is a spiritual calling. It brings together two souls, two purposes, and two worlds to create something that can benefit the greater community.

In many cultures, including those of my ancestors, marriage wasn’t about meeting expectations or fulfilling social norms. It was about answering the call of spirit. What gifts will your union bring forward? What do you want to take from your ancestors to deepen your connection and let your soul fly?

This perspective allows us to redefine what partnership means. It can free us from the baggage of divorce statistics, patriarchal norms, or religious expectations. Instead, we can choose to see our relationships as sacred, as a space where two people come together to build something unique and healing for themselves and the world.

The Spirit of Sex

Sobonfu Somé challenges the Western view of romance and sex, which often skips the stages of a spiritual coming together. In her culture, people don’t view each other sexually unless influenced by the outside world. Instead, they focus on truly knowing one another’s identity and purpose before the romance begins.

This is a reminder to check your intentions and energy. Are you approaching intimacy with alignment to the highest good for all involved? Are you truly connected to your partner’s essence beyond physical attraction?

Sexual connection can be a sacred act, but only when it flows from a place of deep knowing and mutual respect.

What Will You Carry Forward?

As I reflect on this wisdom, I feel both humbled and inspired. What would it mean to live in alignment with these ancestral teachings in our modern lives? How can we invite spirit, community, and intention into our partnerships?

Start by identifying the rituals that ground you and your relationship. Invite trusted friends or elders into your circle for support. And most importantly, slow down and listen—to your body, to spirit, and to the deeper calling of your union.

If you’re feeling disconnected or overwhelmed in your relationship, this is your invitation to explore deeper work. Join me for an online or in-person workshop, a couples intensive, or a one-on-one session to reconnect with yourself, your partner, and the spirit of your relationship. Together, I’ll show you how to create a space for healing, growth, and the fulfillment of your shared purpose.

It’s time to remember what we’ve always known.
It’s time to remember whats deep in our bones.🌿