The 5 Winning Strategies In Relationship

Relationships thrive when we actively cultivate connection, respect, and understanding. While it’s easy to get stuck in unhelpful patterns, one of my favourite teachers Terry Real has developed 5 winning strategies that I teach the couples I work with.

This week, I encourage you to pick one of these strategies and practice it for the next seven days. Small, intentional changes can create ripple effects of positive transformation. Generally, it takes 3-4 weeks of daily practice for our brains to integrate a new skill so if you’re up for a challenge — take it on.

1. Shift from Complaint to Request

Behind every complaint lies an unmet need. Complaining focuses on the past, leaving your partner feeling powerless and defensive, whereas making a request empowers them to show up for you differently in the future.

How to do it: If you’ve had a hard day at work, instead of complaining, “You never listen to me,” try making a specific request: “Can you give me 10 minutes of empathetic listening tonight?”

Empathetic listening might sound like: “That sounds so frustrating, I’m so sorry you had such a tough day.” This differs from solution-based listening (offering solutions) or sharing listening (telling a similar story that happened to you).

When you clearly express your needs, your partner has the opportunity to meet them. More assertion up front means less resentment on the back end.

2. Dare to Rock the Boat

Getting what you need often requires courage and assertiveness, even if it makes your partner uncomfortable. This isn’t about being combative but about standing firm in your needs and desires while remaining respectful.

How to do it: Imagine you’re dissatisfied with your sex life because your needs aren’t being prioritized. Instead of pretending everything is fine, express your concerns honestly: “I’m not feeling fulfilled, and this is important to me. We both deserve an amazing sex life. Are you willing to talk about how to make this better for both of us?”

By addressing the issue directly, you create space for real change. Rocking the boat can feel risky, but it’s often the only way to sail toward deeper connection and intimacy.

3. Respond with Generosity

When your partner comes to you with a concern, your goal should be to help them return to harmony. This means responding with generosity—not defensiveness—by acknowledging their feelings and giving what you can.

How to do it: If your partner says, “It really hurt me when you forgot our anniversary,” resist the urge to justify or explain. Instead, acknowledge their feelings: “I can see how that hurt you. I’m so sorry.”

Then, offer what you can: “What can I do to make it up to you?” or “I’ll set a reminder to make sure it doesn’t happen again next year.”

Ask yourself, “What will this cost me?” Often, small acts of kindness—like admitting you were wrong or remembering an important date—have a big impact with minimal effort. If you’d like to learn more about taking accountability and responding with generosity read this article.

4. Help Your Partner Succeed

Relationships thrive when both partners actively support each other. Once your partner has made an effort to meet your needs, ask yourself how you can help them succeed.

How to do it: If your partner agrees to load the dishwasher after you cook dinner but struggles to do it consistently, offer gentle guidance: “Thank you for being on dish duty! Would it help if I stack the dirty dishes right next to the dishwasher for easy access?”

Linking your efforts creates a cycle of mutual support, deepening trust and collaboration.

5. Cherish Each Other

Cherishing means actively appreciating your partner and celebrating the progress they make, no matter how small. Highlighting what they’re doing right inspires them to do more of it.

How to do it: If your partner has been making an effort to communicate better, say something like: “I really noticed how patient you were with me during our conversation yesterday. It meant a lot to me.”

Another way to cherish is through intentional acts of kindness—writing a heartfelt note, planning a date, or simply saying, “I’m so grateful for you.” These moments remind your partner that they’re valued and loved.

Choose Your Strategy For The Week

Which of these Winning Strategies resonates most with you? Whether it’s making requests instead of complaints, daring to rock the boat, responding generously, supporting your partner’s success, or cherishing them, commit to practicing one for the next seven days.

Transformation doesn’t require giant leaps—just small, consistent steps. And as you implement these strategies, watch how your relationship begins to shift toward deeper connection and harmony.

Ready to take your relationship to the next level? I’m here to show you how.
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